I have the Gotta-have-stuff blues. I want so many things. Financial security. A cleaner house. A healthy body. I would also like a new couch, new car and a month-long trip to Hawaii, too. I do want things. Some days I look around and just wish – things were different. I even wish I could be different. You know, taller, thinner, cooler, groovier. In short, it’s discontent
In school, I was always the loud one. My hand would go up first, I knew the answer! Pick me! I laughed the loudest, told the funniest jokes (at least I thought so), always had an opinion about everything. Yep. That was me when I was 17 and that is still me. I even tried for an entire day to be calm, quiet and demure. I laughed lightly and fluttered my hands delicately. I tossed my hair demurely. I tried, ok? Everyone asked me if I was sick. Or depressed. Or if something had happened to me. It was just a one day experiment, but I realized I couldn’t not be me. Even if I wanted to.
So 50 plus years later – I am still me. A faintly slowed down version. But still loud. Actually louder, since I can’t hear very well. But the difference now is that I kind of like myself. I have grown accustomed to my face. And on days when I am singing the Gotta-have-stuff Blues, I try to recall that life has been good to me in so many ways.
I have had three amazing careers in acting, the entertainment business, and teaching. I have a delightful family. I love where I am living. I am not in Hawaii but I do live two miles from a beautiful breathtaking beach.
I get to spend lots of time with my wonderful granddaughter who is the light of my life. I have cuddly cats and an adorable dog. I have wonderful friends and hope for the future.
And I have my faith. My faith is what has pulled me through the darkest times in my life. My faith gave me something to hold on to during the storm.
So, yes, I do want stuff. But everything I want is actually just stuff. Trinkets, momentary pleasures. Things that will break down, or need to be cleaned or dealt with. What I actually have is so much greater than anything I could want. I have love. I have a family. I have God.
My cup runneth over.